You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
