I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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