note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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