And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
