Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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