She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
