Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
