She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
