yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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