I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize