That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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