New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
