good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
