you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
