We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
