Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
