There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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