you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
