that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
