Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
