The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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