He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
