cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
