TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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