I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
