Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
