she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
"it" just moved
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
