90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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