do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
