i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
