Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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