Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
