i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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