...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
