her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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