i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
