Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize