she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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