Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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