Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
