Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
