I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think i have herpe
just one?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
