The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
