Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
