passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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