i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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