I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is wine microwaveable?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
