I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't notice because vodka
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
