K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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