It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
