Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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