He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
