My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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