i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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