FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
