im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
