drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
