When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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