Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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