you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
