he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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