Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
