she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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