would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
