Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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