Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
