So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
